Parents Continue To Ignore Older Son's Request
Dear Abby | March 20th, 2026 | Letter 1 of 2
DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 30s. I live halfway across the country from my parents and don't have the best relationship with them. I also have a brother four years younger from whom I have been estranged for 20 years. He lives in the same city as my parents. My problem is, if I visit, my parents (especially my mom) will tell my brother and invite him over. I don't like my brother and don't want to see him. I will not reconcile with him because he did some horrible things to me 20 years ago for which I can never forgive him. With my parents, things don't get through to them unless I take drastic measures. How can I convey my desire not to see him? My plan would be to tell them they must agree not to invite him to their house while I'm there -- and if they can't respect my wishes, I simply won't see them. I'm not worried about being without lodging because I have friends I can stay with there. In fact, I have made several trips to that city without visiting my parents. What is your perspective on how I can lay down the law and enforce it? -- INDEPENDENT IN MASSACHUSETTS.
DEAR INDEPENDENT: Have an honest conversation with your parents. Explain what happened between you and your brother. Emphasize that you do not wish to see him again -- ever. Tell them you would like to visit them, but you do not want your brother to be informed or invited over while you are there. If they cannot agree, explain (without hostility) that you will skip the visit. This is not laying down the law; it is creating a boundary.
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