Birthday Boy Invites Friends ... To Pay for His Meal
Dear Abby | January 31st, 2026 | Letter 2 of 3
DEAR ABBY: A friend invited me to his birthday dinner at a popular restaurant. I got him a nice bottle of wine and a small book as a gift. There were 10 people at the table. One person had flown in from Chicago; another from L.A. After we'd eaten and were conversing, the birthday boy excused himself. While he was gone, the waiter presented the bill, and it was then made clear that the rest of us were expected to pay for his birthday celebration. Split amongst us, it came to $99 each. I put it on my credit card without comment; however, I was taken aback. I would never invite friends and then expect them to pay. I bounced this off a couple of other friends. Both said it was unacceptable behavior. What is your opinion? Am I unaware of this as a social norm? -- STUNNED IN SAN FRANCISCO.
DEAR STUNNED: If this has become a social norm, I am as unaware as you are. When guests are invited to a celebration, it is the host's responsibility to treat them unless it is understood when the invitation is issued that everyone will be expected to pay for the meal. The next time this person invites you somewhere, make sure to ask whether you will be splitting the bill. That way there will be no surprises.
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