Mom Buys Gifts She Can't Afford
Dear Abby | January 8th, 2026 | Letter 2 of 2
DEAR ABBY: My mother loves exchanging gifts and spends a lot of time and energy choosing and elaborately wrapping items for all the members of our family. She's also retired and living on a limited, fixed income. She showers me and my kids with expensive things at holidays, but then almost immediately hits me up for cash because she's broke. I've gotten into the habit of returning as many of her gifts as I can and banking the money for when she needs it back. She found me out and gets really angry when I do this. At the same time, she's unwilling to scale back her spending. She sees these as completely separate issues. I can't refuse her the money because she wouldn't be able to pay for rent or groceries. How do I get her to understand that the most precious gift she could give would be to stay within her means, and I'd rather not have to pay her back for things she buys us? -- NO MORE GIFTS.
DEAR NO MORE: If telling your mother to stop giving you gifts has been unsuccessful, you are not going to change her. This is who she is. Accept that. My recommendation would be to continue dealing with this issue as you have, regardless of the inconvenience, and suggest to your mother that, if she is able, she should look for a part-time job so she will have more disposable income.
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