Friend's Comments Have Fallen Short of Friendly
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2025 | Letter 1 of 2
DEAR ABBY: I am a very overweight woman, but down 50 pounds from my top weight and continuing at a consistent, but slow, rate to lose. My A1C is now down to pre-diabetic, so I know my efforts are making a difference. I recently had a terrible bout of sciatica and pain in an arthritic knee, which kept me from some anticipated travel. A good (so I thought) friend who was affected by my cancellation suggested that perhaps my weight was causing the sciatica and arthritis, and if I lost more weight things would go better. (DUH!!) Lots of thin people suffer from sciatica and arthritis, and it felt to me that her comment was condescending, hurtful and disrespectful. I don't know what I feel, other than like throwing a canned ham at her. She has done this before. When another dear friend died, and I expressed my grief and teared up, this same friend suggested I would do better if I got out more and socialized. This was during COVID. Is there anything I can say to her? Should I ignore her comments and press on with the friendship, or is it time to move on? I'd like to tell her off, but I see no value in countering her more subtle form with overt aggression. Is there a single, good, deadly one-liner I could have used? -- SLOW LOSER IN NEW YORK.
DEAR SLOW LOSER: As I see it, you have two ways to play this hand. The next time this woman says something grossly insensitive, tell her it's her third strike and repeat what you have written to me about what comes out of her mouth. Or simply do yourself a favor and from now on ice her out. (She may have been trying to help you -- in some weird way -- or she's clueless.)
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