Teen's Change of Surname Aggravates Her Grandparents
Dear Abby | October 27th, 2025 | Letter 1 of 2
DEAR ABBY: Our granddaughter, Amy, who shows in 4-H, decided to take her stepdad's last name when appearing at the fair. Our son, her father, is a big part of her life. This is the second year in a row she has done this, and it hurts me and my husband deeply. Her mother, stepdad and his family think it's great. Our son has no backbone and won't stand up to Amy's mother or put his foot down about the situation. We tried talking with Amy. She said she will go by her stepdad's last name and doesn't care how we feel. We love her very much. Her stepfamily's name is no more important than anyone else's, but they think it is a big deal. After Amy answered the way she did, we told her we will no longer support her at the 4-H fair. She is at the impressionable age of 14. My husband and I agree that we will also discontinue Amy's birthday and Christmas gifts if she is going to treat us like this. We were brought up to respect our family, and this is a slap in the face. What should we do? -- PROUD OF OUR NAME.
DEAR PROUD: You wrote that your son is still a big part of Amy's life. Has your granddaughter explained why she's determined to do this? Could it be as simple as wanting to use a name that matches the parents who brought her to the event? You have allowed yourselves to become too involved in this. Retaliating by no longer subsidizing Amy's 4-H activities and withholding birthday and Christmas gifts may have been rash and could drive a lasting wedge that won't be easily repaired. More calm and rational discussions should take place before you go nuclear.
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