Helpful Parent Likes To Clean Sons' Homes During Visits
Dear Abby | September 22nd, 2025 | Letter 2 of 3
DEAR ABBY: My sons are married and live quite a distance from me. I try to visit several times a year because I want to see my grandchildren as often as I can. Sometimes I stay with them; other times I rent an Airbnb. The problem is that I am a neat-nut. When I'm at their house, I empty full sinks of dishes, clean bathrooms, sweep floors, polish mirrors/windows, dust furniture, etc. I'll even do laundry if they want. I do ask if they mind if I clean up a bit, as they all work and have little time for this. They usually say Sure! But lately I'm feeling they regard this like I think they're dirty, and they say that cleanliness is not a priority in their lives. OK, I get it. I have decided to stop this activity when I'm there. Am I wrong to want to help out? Just wondering if I'm out of line here. Does anyone else do this? -- NEAT IN NORTH CAROLINA.
DEAR NEAT: Because you are being told that cleanliness is not a priority in their lives, it seems your efforts may not be appreciated. Yes, some other people do what you have been doing. (These folks have also been known to rearrange the furniture in other people's homes without being asked to do so.) Is being helpful under these circumstances the right thing to do? I don't think so. In fact, it could be considered obsessive-compulsive.
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