Friend's Abusive Behavior Reaches a Breaking Point
Dear Abby | September 19th, 2025 | Letter 2 of 2
DEAR ABBY: I moved in with two friends last year, and while I have enjoyed staying with them, it's starting to become stressful. One roommate drinks and becomes verbally abusive to me and his boyfriend. It became physical once, and he hit me in the face and blackened my eye. He's my friend, and I care about him, but I don't know how much longer I can remain living here. I feel like if I leave, I'm giving up on him. He's a really nice person when he's sober, very helpful and generous. I just don't know what to do. Do I leave? Do I cut off the friendship? I want to help him, but I'm not sure how. -- FEARFUL FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA.
DEAR FRIEND: Tell your abusive alcoholic roommate when he's sober that, while you admire his personality when he's not drinking, you can no longer tolerate the person he becomes when he's drunk, which is why you are leaving. Suggest that when he's ready to deal with his problem, he should find some Alcoholics Anonymous or SMART Recovery meetings. (There are usually more than one in most communities.) Do not be surprised if he becomes defensive; most addicts do when confronted. While you can't fix this friend, you have every right to take care of yourself, and moving will be healthier for you.
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