Intense, Unrequited Feelings Make It Hard To Move Forward
Dear Abby | August 26th, 2025 | Letter 1 of 2
DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling with something that feels both silly and painful. I've developed intense feelings (maybe even limerence) for a man I know, and no matter how hard I try, no one else seems to compare. I have tried dating apps, looking at younger guys, older guys, conventionally attractive guys. Nothing clicks. I keep thinking, why can't I just lower my standards? Or, why can't I find others attractive when I know logically this person isn't the only man on Earth? Am I broken? Am I too fixated on a type? Am I missing out on good people just because they don't give me butterflies? I know I can't (and maybe shouldn't) wait around for this one guy, but opening myself up to others feels impossible when they all feel so meh or even repulsive in comparison. How can I break out of this mental trap? I'm 30, so I feel I need to figure this all out. -- STUCK IN MY HEAD AND HEART.
DEAR STUCK: The kind of intense attraction you feel for this man does not necessarily lead to a lasting relationship. Not once in your letter did you mention that he has indicated he has feelings for you, or even knows who you are. At the age of 30, you are a little old to be waiting around for someone who may never come around. A way to break out of what you call the mental trap would be to start concentrating on other things and live your life. Put the fantasy of romance aside for a while, and you may meet some wonderful people and form relationships that are reciprocal.
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