Disparity of Sex Drives May Stall Relationship
Dear Abby | October 30th, 2024 | Letter 1 of 2
DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my early 20s, and I have been dating my man for two years. I love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He plans to propose before the end of the year, and we plan to be married next year. Sex with him is fabulous. However, I have a very active libido (probably similar to that of a teenage boy), and I'd be good with having sex every morning, day and night. He, on the other hand, is good with once a week, if that. I feel deprived and sad. We have discussed this, and he claims he knows he needs to improve, but there has been no change. I don't know if I want to say I do if this is what marriage to him will be like. I am afraid of him proposing now because I'm not sure I can marry him if he's not into sex as much as I am. Sex is an extremely important activity in my life. I had amazing sex with a previous boyfriend and have actually contemplated reaching out to him. (I wouldn't cheat.) Must I settle? I don't want to miss out on having sex as often as I want it. It doesn't feel fair to me. I don't want to end the relationship because he's everything else I want. He's a good man, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist, fun, adventurous, but with almost no sex drive. Can you offer any insight? -- MISERABLE IN MISSISSIPPI.
DEAR MISERABLE: You are young and, I assume, there isn't a great age difference between you and your boyfriend. When this otherwise ideal man pops the question, your response should be that before you accept his proposal, you want the two of you to have premarital counseling. During some of those sessions, bring up the disparity in your sex drives. There may be more than one way to solve your problem. Discuss this with a licensed sex therapist who can help you explore how you can be more satisfied without your boyfriend feeling forced to perform.
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