Abused Ex Has Kept Quiet for Long Enough
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2024 | Letter 2 of 2
DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship with Marvin for 30 years, many of them as a married couple. He has many vices -- drinking and being abusive were the main issues. Our divorce was final two months ago. Marvin's behavior was so poor that if I had told anyone, they would have lost respect for him, and he would have most certainly lost his job. So, I kept his secrets at my own expense. If I had shared what was actually going on, Marvin would have faced the consequences. It was isolating and lonely. I have been hiding this shame for so long that, now that we are divorced, I'm not sure what to tell people. I want to tell the truth about what I experienced, but I don't want it to seem like I am just badmouthing my ex. How can I open up without seeming bitter? -- HELD BACK IN WASHINGTON.
DEAR HELD BACK: It's time to speak frankly to someone. The office of a licensed therapist would be a good place to start. Your doctor or your health insurance company can refer you to someone qualified. If you want to ensure that you won't be regarded as a bitter divorcee, confide in your closest friends. When you do, explain that you know you should have spoken up sooner, but you were afraid that if you did, Marvin would lose his job, which would have had a negative impact on both of you.
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