Relative Tries To Make a Point With Gifts
Dear Abby | April 9th, 2024 | Letter 2 of 3
DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter has two children. She married a man who has one child, Hayley. They have been married four years, and Hayley turned 18 last year. We have seen her only five or six times, and she seems uninterested in getting to know us. The first Christmas, I went out of my way to give her gifts I thought she would enjoy as a teenager. The next Christmas, she didn't spend any time with the family, so I sent a gift home with her dad, but never heard a word from her. Last year, Hayley graduated from high school and started working. Because we weren't going to see them at Christmas, I sent the other grandchildren gifts but did not include Hayley. My stepdaughter got upset because we left Hayley out. We explained that 1. She never acknowledges the gifts we send; 2. She is now an adult; and 3. We never see her. Are we wrong not to include her? -- PERPLEXED ABOUT STEPFAMILY ETIQUETTE.
DEAR PERPLEXED: The answer to your question is yes and no. Hayley doesn't appear to be a child who is easy to love. She has certainly given you no reason to. However, in the interest of family harmony, it was wrong to exclude her entirely. Not knowing the young woman, it would be hard to know what she might have liked to receive. Next year, send her a coffee shop gift card with a sweet note so she won't feel she is being ignored as she has ignored you.
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